Read When People are Big and God is Small By Edward T. Welch
Best When People are Big and God is Small By Edward T. Welch
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Ebook About However you put it, the fear of man can be summarized this way: We replace God with people. Instead of a biblically guided fear of the Lord, we fear others.Of course, the “fear of man” goes by other names. When we are in our teens, it is called “peer pressure.” When we are older, it is called “people-pleasing.” Recently, it has been called “codependency.” With these labels in mind, we can spot the fear of man everywhere. Diagnosis is fairly straightforward. - Have you ever struggled with peer pressure? “Peer pressure” is simply a euphemism for the fear of man. - Are you over-committed? Do you find that it is hard to say no even when wisdom indicates that you should? Are you are a “people-pleaser,” another euphemism for the fear of man ? - Do you “need” something from your spouse? Do you “need” your spouse to listen to you? Respect you? Think carefully here. Certainly God is pleased when there is good communication and a mutual honor between spouses. But for many people, the desire for these things has roots in something that is far from God’s design for his image-bearers. Unless you understand the biblical parameters of marital commitment, your spouse will become the one you fear. Your spouse will control you. Your spouse will quietly take the place of God in your life. - Is self-esteem a critical concern for you? This, at least in the United States, is the most popular way that the fear of other people is expressed. If self-esteem is a recurring theme for you, chances are that your life revolves around what others think. You reverence or fear their opinions. You need them to buttress your sense of well-being and identity. You need them to fill you up. - Do you ever feel as if you might be exposed as an impostor? Many business executives and apparently successful people do. The sense of being exposed is an expression of the fear of man. It means that the opinions of other people — especially their possible opinion that you are a failure — are able to control you. - Are you always second-guessing decisions because of what other people might think? Are you afraid of making mistakes that will make you look bad in other people’s eyes? - Do you feel empty or meaningless? Do you experience “love hunger”? Here again, if you need others to fill you, you are controlled by them. - Do you get easily embarrassed? If so, people and their perceived opinions probably define you. Or, to use biblical language, you exalt the opinions of others to the point where you are ruled by them.THE problem is clear: People are too big in our lives and God is too small. The answer is straightforward: We must learn to know that our God is more loving and more powerful than we ever imagined. Yet this task is not easy. Even if we worked at the most spectacular of national parks, or the bush in our backyard started burning without being consumed, or Jesus appeared and wrestled a few rounds with us, we would not be guaranteed a persistent reverence of God. Too often our mountain-top experiences are quickly overtaken by the clamor of the world, and God once again is diminished in our minds. The goal is to establish a daily tradition of growing in the knowledge of God.Book When People are Big and God is Small Review :
Things that are good:- Welch writes about the true nature of God vs. our nature. We tend to think of God as if he's man-like (probably because Jesus became a man) while he is completely other than (holy). Knowing who God truly is will help us to make other people's opinions of much less account.- We should not focus on ourselves so much, but focus on loving God and others. Much of the time what we do is self-serving, even if it's cloaked in serving others. We like to get our significance from other people when it should come from God only.Some things that are concerning:-Welch argues that we have no psychological needs. Our needs are either spiritual or physical. I wasn't clear whether or not he was arguing that all emotional needs are spiritual or if he would lump them in with psychological needs and say they don't exist. He says we have desires, for instance, to be listened to by a spouse, but that's not a need. Well, it's a need if you want a good relationship! I understand that if each person is focusing on loving the other, and doing what's best for that person, then we won't have anything to "need". That's true, but unrealistic. Welch needs to explain better what to do with good "desires" that, in my opinion, for all intents and purposes, become needs if we want to have good relationships. There is very little practical advice anywhere in the book.In a footnote on page 162, he writes that a baby's need for affection in order to thrive doesn't mean humans have psychological needs, Welch writes, "It would be more accurate to say that we do need people in order to live. We are creatures who rely on other people every day. This, however, is different from putting our faith and trust in them."I disagree. We need to put our faith and trust in others; that's part of relationship. We trust only God for salvation, but we must trust others to live in healthy families and community. It sounds like he's saying that giving babies affection is simply to keep them alive. As if it has nothing to do with emotional/relational connection.- Welch encourages us to forget about "perceived" needs and instead, think about meeting the needs of others. In the story about Nancy and her counseling, the counselor avoided looking into her childhood relationships that might have affected her and her "perceived" need to be heard. Her job was just to give up the need for her husband to listen to her - just forget about it. She didn't need to explore why she was feeling the way she was. If we have a longing to be heard, for instance, and feel that we aren't being heart, it could be because a parent never listened to us. What we experience in childhood hard wires visceral emotional reactions into our brains. Once these are understood and healing of that wound takes place, then maybe we can let go of that desire to be heard. this book was written in 1997, before modern neuroscience discovered the importance of brain development in small children. Maybe Welch needs to update the book?-There was little sense of empathy anywhere in the book. Welch related a story where he was feeling bad after a doing a class where he felt he did a poor job in teaching. He came home sad and his wife told him to "Stop it!" She rebuked him and told him that his students needed him. He wrote that he was glad she wasn't sympathetic towards him at that moment. He was being selfish and he needed to get it right!A good old-fashioned rebuke is very valuable at times, and I've benefited from a few myself. However, rebukes are best done in humility and followed by love and empathy. It's the Lord's kindness that leads us to repentance. There was little sense of love anywhere in the book.-Welch writes that we don't have a soul, but doesn't give enough info to support to his stance on this major theological issue. Where do emotions, thoughts, ideas, etc. fit into that picture if you say that we have no psychological needs and no soul separate from the spirit? If we have no soul, where emotional healing taking place? The spirit? Maybe he's saying we don't need it? He doesn't make that clear.Overall, I think this book does more harm than good. Welch provides a great basis about why we should not fear man, but gives very little in the way of helping us get there, except just to say, "Stop it!" Another reviewer mentioned the Bob Newhart scene where Newhart decides to give that advice no matter the issue. It's hilarious. Welch's view seems to be similar.If you buy this book, be aware that it's one of those where you eat the meat and spit out the bones, but I don't recommend it. Dr. Curt Thompson has some great books on shame from a Christian perspective (which is closely related to the fear of man) that are far superior. I don't have enough time to write the quality of review that this book deserves. No book can ever replace Scripture, and reading it alone is sufficient. Yet God has gifted certain men to put the understanding He has given them of Scripture on paper and allowed it to bless us with the insight He has given them. This is one of those books.Most people have a very basic understanding of the fear of man. We experience one form of it often when presented an opportunity to proclaim the Gospel. Even those that boldly stand on the corners and preach to the passing crowds will often tell you about the butterflies they get prior to starting their proclamation.However, this book will open your eyes to a number of other ways you may fear man. I did not understand that much of my life was controlled by that fear. I am grateful for the people that kept on pressing me to read this.It is hard for me to read most books cover to cover. It's easy to read three or four chapters, and then skip to the end to see what the final diagnosis or recommendation is. This is not a book you should or will want to do that with. I am starting through it for the third time soon because it is so fantastic. Everything he teaches is put on the bottom shelf and you don't have to be a scholar to understand it, but there is so much packed into this that you either need to go super-slow and meditate on both the Scripture he references and the point he's making, or go through it once thoughtfully and come back to study the points that pertain more to your situation.Either way, this is a very worthwhile study. I can't recommend it enough. 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